Do It Anyway...

Chapter 1 

The wind whistled, brushing her hair off her shoulder as the coffee shop door relaxed into its closed, resting position behind her. Her brain was feeling refreshed while her feet carried her to her car. She had just finished having coffee with a girl she had basically trampled in the bathroom at an event she didn’t even want to attend. She only went because she had selected “attending” a month prior, the moment she had woken up from a nap, not fully cognitive yet. But, to her surprise, she was glad she had gone. Her car engine mumbled back to life at the command of the key in her hand. There was an excitement that was diluted by a low hum of fear. Her mind whirled with thoughts from every direction. Was she going to do this? Was she finally going to actually jump? No one believed she’d do it. Everyone thought she was talking a big game. But she had her resignation letter in the chamber, ready to be fired. Although as she drove home, little whispers of doubt sewed their way into the ambitions of her thoughts. The fear of making a mistake, the doubt that she was ready, that she could do this, and the thought that she should put it off until she was sure. Maybe next year would be better. She would be in a better place…hopefully. She thought that a raise was in her future, but she wasn’t completely sure. She shook her head. “NO!” She yelled into the void of her car. The engine responded with a sound of support. She really needed to check on what that engine light was actually for, even though she was grateful for the response. But that was a different problem for a different day. Right now, she had an email to send. Car parked comfortably, her footsteps echoed through the concrete stairwell; each ascending step thundering louder like she was walking into a storm. There was a clang from the stairwell door shutting behind. “Ahhh!” She gasped and threw herself around. “Gosh.” The word was muttered out with her next exhale like a swirl ice cream cone. Her keys rattled in her hand as she paused at her apartment door. It was as though her body froze there. Her forehead found the chilled wood, arms loose between the arch her body drew. And as the anxiety crept up like a spider, all she could do was let go and let God. She prayed under her breath. “God… I’m scared. But the future is in your hands; I give this to you.” Simple, but effective. Because her brain remembered how to operate the feet that had apparently forgotten they belonged to someone. 

Chapter 2

Sunbeams welcomed her home, stretching out through her living room, waiting for a hug. Dust particles bounced through the air like a snow globe of glitter. A glass vase with flowers sat on a side table colliding with the sun in the most perfect way, casting a rainbow to dance across a wall. Peace washed over her. With a thump, her keys found their bowl. And her bag was clocked out of its shift once hung on its hook. With a hurricane rising up inside of her, she melted onto the couch and opened her computer. There it sat, staring at her. They were having a showdown. Her resignation letter sat with the cursor flashing at her, taunting. Her phone vibrated on the coffee table beside her. With a jolt, her head found the source. Her sister's name illuminated the screen with a picture she had taken just as her sister was about to sneeze. It was the best picture she had ever taken. 

“Whatcha doin'?” She didn’t even have time to say “hello” before her sister’s voice was heard. 

“Staring at my resignation letter…” There was no weight behind her words.

“Oh my gosh, have you finished the website!?” At her sister's words, she had found the weight, and it was sitting on her lungs, because the air felt thin all of a sudden. 

“Well… almost…kinda…no. But, I finally paid for my URL and LLC, and let me tell you, I won’t be buying anything for a long, looonnng, long time. Because now I am broke.” She swiveled a piece of hair between her fingers as she talked to her sister. Her sister was one of the few people who led her to believe she actually could do this. With her sister's encouragement and the Lord’s persistent push, she had faith. 

“Guuurrrlll, you are investing in your future!” The enthusiasm was palpable through the phone. Her sister was a great hype girl. 

“I know! You're right. Gosh, why am I so scared?” Her hand subconsciously twisted her hair faster. 

“Because you are letting go of control to an outcome you can see, and that makes you feel like you are free-falling, but in reality, you are jumping into God’s hands and saying I trust you. So, you going to let go or not?”  Gosh dang it, why is her sister always right?

Chapter 3

The “Shwoop” sound lingered while her finger hovered over the sent button. Air, there was no air. Saliva no longer existed. Blinking… did she know how to do that? 

“Look at you gooooo!” Her sister's voice barely made it past the ringing in her mind. “I am so proud of you.” 

“Thanks… I think I am going to be sick…” She delicately threw her computer to the other side of the couch as she sat up and turned to place her feet back on the floor, needing to feel grounded. She had quit her job, while sitting in an apartment paid for by said job, to start her own company. It’ll be great! 

“Take a deep breath.” Her sister’s voice sounded like she was in a tunnel. But, yes, breathing. She needed to do that. “We need to celebrate!” 

“I need a minute.” She stood and started to pace. 

“Ok, bu…” The rest of her sister's sentence was cut off after she may or may not have deliberately hung up on her. Her own voice painted the silent room in a whisper. “God, I trust you.” She stabbed her thumbnail into her finger as she always did when she was nervous or stressed, but quickly shook out her hands and headed to the kitchen for a snack. And as she opened her fridge, her nervous system began to regulate, and all the possibilities for the future began to play out in her imagination. A smile pulled at her lips. She did it. She actually secured the first step in this adventure. With the entire container of grapes in her arm, she walked with lighter steps back to the couch. She opened her computer to her under-construction website and, for the first time, was completely excited. Her phone rang again. The same half-sneeze picture appeared. 

“You good now?” Her sister said flatly.

“Yeah, I’m good.” She crunched a grape, sure her sister could hear it through the phone. 

“As I was saying, we are going out for sushi tonight! I’ll pick you up at six!” Her sister picked up where she had left off without skipping a beat. 

“Perfect! But, you're buying.” She laughed as the words tumbled from her mouth. 

Chapter 4

A saying I think about often is, “do it scared, do it tired, do it broke - just do it.” We are so quick with our excuses, but we are letting the fear of the unknown take control. The Bible gives us clear instructions to trust in the Lord. In Jeremiah 17:7-8, it says, “But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.” And Isaiah 26:3 says, “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.” Taking steps outside our comfort zone is scary, but so is staying the same. We can say we want to do something all day, every day, but until we take the initiative to actually do something about it, we will never see the fruit. This is something I have to remind myself constantly. But I am so grateful that I stepped out in faith and decided to stop making excuses four years ago today and post my first blog post. Gosh, that was terrifying, but I have been so blessed through the years of writing these. 

Through all the seasons of doubt, lack of ideas or motivation, and time… I have been so blessed to write different stories to help someone feel seen, less alone, understood, help them understand, and to hopefully learn that with every up and down, God is constant. I know that writing them has helped me. I am so grateful for all of you reading this and being here. Thank you! Happy four years to The Allie-Way! Have an amazing weekend! Don’t forget to share The Allie-Way, follow on Instagram, let me know what you would like to read more of, and subscribe for another season of blogs! Thanks for reading, Allie-Cats!

• Dru Allie