In My Own World...

Chapter 1

Her office took on a calm expression. She walked around her desk; sitting behind her desk, letting the quiet room engulf her. When she left her house, her children had absorbed the energy that she had seemed to be lacking. Her brother had stopped by the day before, and she hadn’t been able to match her kids energy levels since. She felt like a lone sock among the others hugging their pairs. Her sleep had decided to take a leave of absence on top of all that and her coffee would only be a band-aid for so long. On her drive to work, she couldn’t help but observe all the others nestled in their vehicles as the cold air attempted to accompany everyone on their journey. She followed one particular car from her neighborhood halfway to her office. After they turned, leaving her to drive the rest of the way alone, she couldn’t help but make up a story of where they were headed and who they were. When she was a kid, she used to forget that cars had people in them; she looked at them like they lived in the movie Cars. Each one had their personality. It wasn’t until her imagination wasn’t her only companion that she began to notice the people who accompanied the cars. She now noticed their expressions, how many occupied one vehicle, and could even, at times, listen to the music they were listening to with them. They were their own person, living in their world, and it fascinated her. She would often find herself caught up in her own life with her family feeling like the camera that only followed her around every day, and all the other people playing their roles were simply extras. It always blew her mind when she would remember that they too felt like it was their show and she was their background character. 

Chapter 2 

She closed her eyes for a moment and felt herself buried in the quicksand that her chair had morphed into. She was revived when she heard a few of her employees walking past her office. She was, as her brother explained it, the big boss man. She had almost all female employees except for one. She stood and walked to her doorway.  Propping her shoulder against the frame, She simply stood there observing. She watched a group of co-workers passing around a smile by the water fountain, other employees typing away at their computers, and she even noticed people walking down the street through the window that connected the office to the world living outside. She closed her eyes and rested her head on the door frame as she crossed her arms across her chest. The sounds of the office infiltrated her mind, and she forced her inner thoughts to become quiet. 

“Mhm… boss… you good?” Her assistant looked concerned standing to the side of the door that she was leaning on. 

She snapped open her eyes startled. “My gosh.” Her arms went through the dialogue of crossed to uncrossed self-defense with one hand landing on her heart and the other on her stomach as she let out a short breath of relief. “Didn’t anyone teach you not to sneak up on people!” She dropped her head to the side as she looked at her. 

“Sorry, you looked like you fell asleep on the way out of your office; wanted to make sure you weren’t sleeping walking again.” Her face fell into an apologetic smile as she itched the side of her face. 

“Hmm… hey, what are you thinking about right now?” She propped herself back against the door.

“I’m sorry?” She looked at her boss confused.

“What are you thinking about? I was just thinking about how other people are living their lives like me and have their internal thoughts living rent-free in their minds. I was curious about what yours was saying.” She handed her an, “I’m serious,” expression which her assistant wouldn’t have accepted had she not been being paid or considered her a friend. 

“Well right now I am thinking I should book you a Nero

consultation, but before I was thinking that I wish I had eaten the full croissant instead of only eating half, then that made me think of how I needed to pick up groceries from the store on the way home, which led me to think about dinner, then I looked down and saw the file I was holding and remembered I needed to have you sign it, and walked over here finding you asleep standing up lording over everyone.” She laughed at her joke. 

“Maybe I was.” She laughed as she turned to walk back to her desk. 

Chapter 3 

Her husband was sitting on the couch when she arrived home from the office. “Hey, honey!” 

“Hey!” He opened his arm up for her to scooch right in. “How was work?” 

“It was good, how were the kids today?” She listened for them and heard muffled yells from upstairs.

“They were good. We worked on a few art projects before your brother picked them up so I could get a little work done.” He kissed the top of her head. 

“Fun! Bummed I missed it, but glad he was able to take them out. Man… I wish I could have been a fly on that wall. Isn’t it interesting that we made little people? Like they are the stars on that stage and we are their backup dancers.” She rolled her head back onto his arm. She felt warm and cozy curled up into him. 

“Well, aren't you in a philosophical mood?” He looked at her with an eyebrow raised. 

“Just something I’ve been pondering on all day. It occasionally slips my mind that others are in the same boat I am, living their lives, dealing with issues, going to work in spite of not wanting to, needing to think about what to cook, feeling anxious and excited, meeting new people, feeling safe with others, and having conversations with themselves in their own minds. I find it so interesting.” She was starting to become animated and was sitting up using her hands to better demonstrate her thoughts. 

“I think they have a word for that… sonder.” He snapped his fingers as the word resurfaced to the front of his mind.

“You just made that up.” She looked back at him, both eyebrows raised. 

“Look it up.” He gestured toward her phone. She grabbed it and looked it up and read out loud, “Sonder — noun. the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own.” She shuffled side to side on the couch. “Hm, fine you win.”

“I told you!” He wrestled her into a hug, then heard the little pitter-patter of tiny feet shuffling down the stairs. 

Chapter 4 

This word popped up a few weeks ago and as different events happened following, I got to thinking how crazy it is that we live in a world where we are each our own star in a film involving all of us. Now that seems like a comment that should be common knowledge. But, it is easy to become wrapped up in our own lives and our own emotions that we can occasionally forget to look out the window and observe all those people as more than people filling the space that we can’t occupy. They don’t know what is swimming in my mind and I don’t know what is swirling in theirs. It is a mutual misunderstanding of each other's lives. This can at times cause: misunderstandings (the worst book plot), frustration, feeling lonely, making life exciting, and even meeting people packed with layers that deepen the relationship with each new level that is discovered. It is a realization that we should simply conceptualize that each moment is filled with life, death, joy, and sadness, but we are lucky enough to each experience a different side that no one is able to see. 

Sometimes I forget life continues when I leave a house or a state other than my own, but we are each living in our own worlds and of course, there is a word for it. So I thought I would let you ponder on it like I have been! Hope this weekend was enjoyable and that this week is even better! Don’t forget to subscribe (you only get an email when a new post is out, I promise), follow on Instagram, share the blog with someone, and leave a comment if this is something you have ever thought of! Thanks for reading Allie-Cats.

• Dru Allie